It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
