just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
