Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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