He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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