Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
