I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
