just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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