I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
