You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
