i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
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I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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