please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
