they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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