I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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