I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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