Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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