Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
