Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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