I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
