if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
