i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my liver is dry heaving
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
