Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
