I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
