Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
