exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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