Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
