she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
