It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
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there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Enjoy the penises
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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