We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
