guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
