wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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