you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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