i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
