i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
