Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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