My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
