I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
