No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
