none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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