(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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