am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
