i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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