I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize