I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
