I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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