It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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