i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
