I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
