I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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