Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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