She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
