now i know why i became what i already was.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
