Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
