Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
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Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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