I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
