I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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