3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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