I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
