the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
