Screwed.edu
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
