Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
