Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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