hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I love having hate sex.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dignity is for republicans.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
