I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
