I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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