found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
