I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
