Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Im part way to drunk.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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