My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
