Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
