ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
