what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
