while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
