i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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