Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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